Forgive for Joy's Sake (Part 18)

On Monday, Mel, Joi, Chelsea, and I fell back into our routine. The paternity results were expected on Tuesday and my parents would be back on Wednesday. I just had to make it until they got back. To say the Mel’s stress level was on ten on Tuesday wouldn’t have been accurate, because it was off the scale. One minute she was cranky, the next she was crying, and I had to use all that was in me to not scream or wring her neck.

I knew the moment she received the results, as a heart wrenching wail came from her room. Quickly, I asked Chelsea to take Joi to the park for a little while, so I could deal with Mel. After they left, I went to Mel’s room and found her crying with her phone up to her ear. When she saw me, she asked, “Why isn’t he answering his phone?” She ended the call and threw the phone down on the bed in front of her.

“Who?” I asked, standing in the doorway.

“Wes. I told him I would call as soon as I got the results, but he isn’t answering. I need to talk to him. I need help figuring this out.” She started crying harder.

I stepped in the room, but still didn’t go to her. “I take it Lamar is Joi’s father?”

“No worst. The results don’t make sense.”

“Don’t make sense? What do you mean? Who is her father?” A thought occurred to me. “Or is it that you don’t know.”

“It isn’t Lamar, so it has to be Jackson.” She placed both her hands over her face.

“Okay, Mel, you are losing me. Shouldn’t you be happy then? I’m not understanding what isn’t making sense.” Frustrated, I walk over and sat next to her on the bed.

“According to the results, while Lamar isn’t the father, he is most likely related to him.”

“Related to him? How? Jackson’s father was an only child. Jackson was an only child and his aunts don’t have children.”

“That’s what doesn’t make sense. Lamar is related to one of them and now he knows and probably is going to be looking for answers. Answers I can’t give. Jackson’s father is dead so he can’t give them. That leaves the three wicked witches. Now everyone is going to know my dirty little secret.”

My mind took in what she said and came back with: Mel isn’t the only one whose dirty little secret will be revealed. Mel’s cellphone rang, “It’s Wes.” She shows me the screen as if she didn’t think I would believe her. I stood. “I’ll let you two talk.” I left the room knowing that as soon as they were off the phone, I would be receiving a call too.

After the bombshell news Mel received, I was especially glad Mom and Dad would be home tomorrow morning. Once they arrived, I would stay long enough to find out about their trip and fill them in on the Mel drama. After that, I would leave so fast, the trees would bend as I passed them. Between my parents and Wes, Mel was in good hands, and I had no issue with tapping out. I knew Wes and my mother were going to keep trying to rope me in, in hopes I would reconcile with Mel, but forgiving someone does not mean we would become friends again. Trust is a hard thing to regain after you totally demolish it.

A light knock on the office door startled me. It was 10:00 p.m. and Joi was sleep, the baby monitor in her room confirmed it, because I could hear her gentle snore. Chelsea had left earlier that afternoon so that left Mel, and right now I didn’t feel like dealing with her.

“Yes?” I said as aggressively as I could, hoping to deter her from entering.

“Can I come in a minute?” Mel said with only a little hesitation in her voice. I sighed knowing she had finally found the nerve to say whatever it is she felt she needed to say to me. I must have took too long pondering my reply because she said, “Please, Joy.”

“Fine, come in.” I might as well get it out the way. Perhaps if we hash this out now, I can get out of being forced to by the dynamic duo later. She opened the door and stepped in. She walked over and sat down in the guest chair in front of my dad’s desk. I closed the laptop and crossed my arms, giving her the sternest stare I could muster across the desk.

“I suspect if I didn’t do this tonight, I might not get the chance to say what I need to say to you.” She fidgeted nervously in her seat.

“Can I give you a little advice before you say whatever it is you feel you need to say to me?” I asked, leaning forward and looking her directly in her eyes.

“Absolutely,” she said, meeting my gaze.

“You get one shot at this. If you lay any blame at my feet or say anything that I later find out is a lie, there is no getting another chance. Make sure whatever it is you are about to say is absolutely necessary and truthful.” I sat back in the chair with my arms still crossed and my gaze still direct.

“Fair enough. Well, it’s absolutely necessary for me to tell you I am deeply sorry for hurting you. I apologize for it and know that it will not heal the hurt I caused or get us back to where we were, but it needs to be said. Truthfully, not just for your sake, but mine’s as well.

“I know in the back of your mind you are still trying to figure out how I could do this to you. I know it is, because had you done what I’d done, I would be wondering. We were like sisters, closer than some sisters even. The answer isn’t clear to me either, because I didn’t think it was in me to do what I did.

“I have to confess something I haven’t told anyone. I knew about the tumor. A doctor told me a month before Jackson and I hooked up. I saw two more doctors after that, and they all told me the same thing; it would be terminal. They each gave me six months to live.

“When I heard that, I spiraled out of control. Why me? Why so young? I hadn’t even found love yet and the only man I had feelings for was off limits to me. I was going to die without ever having been loved. The emotions overwhelmed me, and I started doing things I never thought I’d do. Like having a one-night stand with Lamar. Like acting on the feelings I had for Jackson.

“With that diagnosis, I felt dead and I desperately wanting something to make me feel alive. Unfortunately, the one man that made me feel alive was my best friend’s husband. Did I love him? Absolutely, but I never should have laid a hand on him. When I found out I was pregnant, I just knew I would never live to raise the child. According to what the doctors said, I wouldn’t live long enough to give birth, but I had to try. Then months passed and she came, and I was still here. She and Jackson were the ones who were supposed to go on without me, not the other way around. Now, because of the accident that took the love I didn’t deserve anyway, I now have a chance to raise my daughter. It’s justified that I have some penance to pay, but I will pay them so I can give Joi the best life I can. That is the absolute truth, Joy, and I will stop right there because anything else said would be fluff to keep from hearing how you will respond.” Mel sat back hard in her chair as if she had given everything she got to get those word said.

There was silence as I processed all she had said. It rang true to me, but it still hurt none the less. Weirdly enough, I was wondering how dense I was to not notice the two closest people in my life were developing romantic feelings for one another. Mel clearing her throat snatched me away from my thoughts. “Look, Mel, I appreciate your apology and telling me what happened. Yes, in the back of my mind I was wondering how you could have let things go where they did with Jackson. Honestly, I was more hurt by what you did than what he did. He had made a decision to love me, but it wasn’t some deep connection. You, I thought loved me unconditionally and would never hurt me. No, we will never be as close as we once were. Cordial is the word that will most likely describe our interactions moving forward. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t accept your apology and since we are in a truthful space, it’s probably more for my sake than yours.”

“Understood, and cordial beats hostile any day. Well, I will leave you to your evening. I’m going to peek in on Joi and then hit the bed. Dealing with Jackson’s mom, her sisters, and Lamar is going to require me having plenty of energy.” She stood and walked to the door. “Good night.”

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